


Lioness

by cinnabongene



Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Post-Episode: s05e16 Felina, Transgender, Transitioning, jimmie mcgill, trans man jesse, trans woman saul
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-08-17 02:43:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8127298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: Jesse transitioned years ago. Jimmie never even thought she'd come out of the closet, until tonight. Jesse is a trans man and Saul is a trans woman. Jesse helps her accept herself and begin her transition.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been almost a month since Jesse had shown up, battered, starving, and shivering on Saul’s doorstep. He’d slept on Saul’s couch every night since then, bundled up in a few old blankets to keep the harsh Nebraska winter from seeping into his bones. 

But tonight, the winter was particularly harsh, and a heavy snowstorm had knocked out a powerline, leaving Jesse and Saul in the dark. Without any outside source of heat, it was difficult for Jesse to warm his makeshift nest with his body heat alone. Saul’s cheap apartment lacked proper insulation, and the single pane windows felt even colder than the snow packed against them. The chattering of his teeth in his skull and the shivers that wracked his entire body made it impossible for Jesse to find sleep, so finally he threw all caution to the wind and decided to seek out the only source of warmth in the apartment. 

“Saul?” he asked, standing in the doorway to the bedroom. 

“Hmm?” the shadowy figure in the bed replied sleepily.

“It’s cold.” 

Jesse could hear Saul shift around in the bed. “I know, kid. Come on in.” 

Jesse felt his way over to the bed and stood tentatively by the side. “Are you sure? That’s not like, weird or anything?” 

“You wanna get warm or not?” 

Needing no further prompting, Jesse lifted up the covers and slid into the bed. This was obviously not the side Saul had been sleeping on, as it was even colder than the couch. “Jesus, even your bed’s cold. Beds shouldn’t be able to get cold; what’s wrong with this state?” 

Jesse heard a rustling of the sheets, and in the dim light from the moon reflecting off the snow outside, he could see that Saul had extended an arm, leaving room for him to move in closer. “You wanna come ‘ere?” 

Without thinking about it too hard, Jesse scooted closer and pressed his shivering body into Saul’s warm side, resting his head on the lawyer’s chest. Saul’s outstretched arm came to wrap around Jesse’s shoulders. They laid like that in silence for a while until Jesse’s teeth stopped chattering and he was finally able to relax his tensed muscles. He’d forgotten how good it felt to be pressed up against another human body. It had been so long since he’d had contact like this. “You feel nice,” he murmured sleepily after a minute. 

“You feel nice too, kid. I kinda wish the power would go out every night,” said Saul with an awkward clipped chuckle. 

Jesse heard Saul’s heartrate pick up. “It does get pretty cold even when the power’s not out, sometimes,” he said, lightly pressing the pads of his fingers into where they rested on Saul’s chest. 

“Well, my door’s always open for you.”

Jesse swallowed the lump in his throat and wondered if Saul could feel his heart pounding too. “Uh, thanks.” 

They allowed themselves to be consumed by silence again for another moment before Saul spoke. “Jesse, is… is this gonna happen?” 

Jesse felt like his whole body had been dipped in ice water. “Is what gonna happen?” 

“Nothing, forget I said anything. It was stupid of me to even ask,” Saul mumbled.

Jesse felt his stomach twist into a knot. Maybe it was for the best not to press this further. Maybe it would save them both a lot of pain to just let this go. But Jesse couldn’t just let his last chance at not being alone forever slip right past him. He tightened his fingers in Saul’s shirt. “No, tell me. Please.” 

Saul turned over to face him. Jesse felt the brief brush of something warm and hard against his thigh as Saul moved. “You gotta help me out here, kid. Am I fishing in the wrong creek? ‘Cause if you don’t want this, just tell me, and we can forget this whole conversation ever happened, okay?”

“No—no, I… I want this.” Jesse stuttered out. He’d wanted this for a long time. Especially since he got to Omaha. But he’d never imagined Saul would want him, a pathetic junkie murderer with nothing to his name but the clothes on his back.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” 

Jesse nodded, and that was all Saul needed to press their lips together. The moment buzzed with sharp electricity. They stayed still for a moment, recovering from the initial shock of contact after isolation, but Saul’s lips soon started to move against Jesse’s own, and Jesse returned in kind. The kiss was gentle, cautiously probing, but not without an undercurrent of heat. A pang of white hot arousal shot its way through Jesse’s body when Saul’s tongue finally worked its way into his mouth. Saul’s arms wrapped around Jesse, pulling him closer, and Jesse hitched his leg over Saul’s hip, his body desperately seeking friction. Jesse could feel Saul’s erection pressed against his hip and—

“Saul, wait,” said Jesse, pulling away from the embrace. “Before we do this, I gotta tell you something.” He took in a deep breath and let it out shakily. “I, uh, fuck, why doesn’t this get any easier?” 

Saul’s tentative hand was on Jesse’s arm. “It’s okay; you can tell me anything, kid.” 

Fuck, how should he put this? He had no idea how educated Saul was about these things. What the fuck do fifty-something-year-old cis men know about this? He averted his eyes and cringed as the words left his mouth, bracing for the stinging rejection he knew might come. “I, uh, I was born a girl. I don’t, like, have a dick, you know? I hope that’s… okay?” 

Saul was silent for a moment. “You’re trans?”

Jesse prayed for the Earth to open up beneath him and swallow him whole. “Yeah, man. Just, like, say something. Don’t leave me hanging here.” 

There was another tense stretch of silence before Saul started laughing softly—not amused laughter, but self-deprecating laughter, as if to suggest Saul had become the butt of the ultimate cosmic joke. Then, after a few endless moments, Jesse realized that the laughter had turned into tears. Jesus, this was almost as bad as his parents’ reaction. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “…Okay? I guess I’ll just go then…”

Saul reached out and grabbed Jesse’s wrist to stop him. “No, no, Jesse, you don’t understand. It’s… me too, just… the other way around.” 

Jesse turned back to Saul, brow furrowed. Was he interpreting that right? God, he hoped he wasn’t about to fuck this up. “Wait, wait. So, are you telling me you’re a… trans _woman_?” 

Saul wiped away the lingering tears and forced a nervous smile. “In the flesh.” 

“Shit, why didn’t you ever tell me?” 

“Nothing personal, kid. I haven’t told anyone. I had planned to take that one to the grave.” 

“Why? I mean, like, I get why, but shit! I barely made it to sixteen without transitioning. How do you, like, live?”

Saul couldn’t meet Jesse’s imploring gaze. “I don’t know. Honestly, I’m surprised I’m still here, kid. I never thought I’d make it this long.” 

“Fuck.” Jesse ran his hand through his hair. He couldn’t believe Saul had been struggling with this right under his nose this whole time. “Wait, what should I call you?” 

“You don’t gotta worry about that. I’m not gonna ever do anything about this, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“Bullshit it doesn’t matter. Like, if you really wanna be called Saul, that’s one thing. But don’t do it just ‘cause you feel like you have to.” 

The lawyer was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. “I met a girl named Jimmie once. But she spelled it with an ‘ie.’ I always liked that.” 

“You want me to call you Jimmie?” 

“…Yeah.” 

The lights flickered to life around them, and there was a faint beep from the kitchen as the microwave reset itself. Jesse shook his head and smiled, finally seeing Jimmie completely illuminated. “Fuck, Jimmie, if that’s not a sign, I don’t know what is.” 

“I guess the heat’s gonna come on now, but you wanna get back in anyway?” Jimmie asked, holding up the corner of the blanket. 

Now that the lights were on, Jesse could see the vulnerable tenderness in her eyes, which were still slightly bloodshot from crying. He nodded and slid back into the bed, pressing himself right up against her like they had been before. 

Her arms came to wrap around him again, and they went forehead to forehead, warm breath intermingling between them. “You still wanna do this?” she asked. 

Jesse rolled his hips forward against hers and ran his hand down her side, stopping at the waistband of her boxers. “Fuck yeah,” he murmured against her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that the "born a girl/boy" wording is inaccurate/problematic; I was just trying to imagine what Jesse would think is the best way to explain it to Saul. Also I hope you appreciate the amount of effort I put into not using any pronouns for Jimmie in the first half of this chapter hahah. I really just want this to be a sweet and respectful story.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short, it's smut, enjoy.

Jimmie and Jesse broke away from a prolonged kiss, both breathing heavily. Jimmie had found herself on top of Jesse, their hips both rocking against each other of their own volition. “How are we gonna do this?” she asked. “Do you want me inside of you? Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah, go for it,” Jesse panted. “I mean, as long as that’s what you want.” 

“Yeah. We can work out a better arrangement for next time—I mean, if there is a next time… Not that I wouldn’t want a next time—”

Jesse cut her off with a kiss. “Jimmie, relax.” He maneuvered himself out from under her and switched their positions. Sitting on top of her legs, he removed his t-shirt and boxers, and then put his hands at the hem of Jimmie’s t-shirt, looking up to her for permission. She reached down and pulled the shirt over her head, revealing herself to Jesse. “Fuck you’re hot,” he murmured, and bent down to lay kisses all over her soft belly. 

She scoffed out a laugh. “Don’t humor me, Pinkman. I’m a fifty-two-year-old alcoholic who works at Cinnabon, and I’ve got the body to match.” 

Jesse only stopped kissing her to look her dead in the eye and say, “No, I mean it.” He trailed his kisses lower and lower now, until he finally reached the elastic waistband. “Can I?” 

She bit her lip and nodded. Jesse pulled down her boxers and took her cock in his mouth, getting the whole length slick with saliva. “Fuck, Jesse,” she moaned, running her hand over her face. “Christ, that’s good.” 

He pulled off after a little while and repositioned himself over her. “You ready?” 

“Please, Jesse,” she begged, and Jesse lowered himself down onto her.

Jesse moaned as he was penetrated; it had been a while since he’d done this. After he took a second to adjust, he began to rock his hips back and forth against Jimmie, and she responded in kind by thrusting up into his wet heat. 

“This good?” he asked. 

She nodded fervently and gripped the bedsheets with both hands. It had been years since she’d fucked anyone who she wasn’t paying for it. And she’d never fucked anyone who’d known her secret before. There was a level of comfort and understanding there that neither of them had ever had with anyone else. For once, Jesse didn’t feel like he had to apologize for his body, and Jimmie didn’t feel guilty for her mind.

Their bodies writhed together as they both took in the sensations of touching and being touched. They ran their hands over each other’s forms, and Jesse periodically leaned down to press their lips together and let their tongues intermingle. 

After a while, Jimmie could feel the heat pooling in her groin, and she knew she wouldn’t last much longer. “Can I come inside you?” she asked. 

“Yeah, go for it. I wanna feel it,” Jesse panted. 

Jimmie didn’t know why, but that was one of the hottest things she had ever heard. She gripped onto Jesse’s hips and thrust up harder and faster into him, her orgasm quickly approaching. 

“Oh fuck, Jimmie. Right there. I’m gonna…” Jesse tightened his grip on her forearms and ground down hard against her. A guttural moan escaped his throat as Jimmie felt him contract tightly around her. 

The sensation of Jesse’s orgasm was all Jimmie needed to fall over the edge. She gave one final thrust and released herself into him, her head falling back against the pillow as her eyes closed tightly in pleasure. 

Jesse collapsed on top of her then, and the two lay there together, catching their breaths and feeling one another’s gradually slowing heartbeats. “Was that good?” Jimmie asked after a moment. 

“Fuck, are you kidding me? That was great,” said Jesse. He sat up and lifted himself off of Jimmie’s softening cock, relishing the warm feeling of the cum dripping out onto his inner thighs. “Was it for you?”

“Best I’ve had in years,” she replied, voice thick with contentment. 

“Good,” Jesse smiled sleepily and laid down next to her. They found their way into each other’s embraces and relaxed into the warmth and the afterglow, slipping into the soundest sleep either of them had ever had in Nebraska.


End file.
